Missing Those Memories

somehow, i felt that i only come into the blog nowadays just to let all my emoticon out~~not the good one but the one that make me moody =_= maybe i have misuse the purpose of the whole blog thing for the start of it...what's the reason that i open the blog at the first place?? it has been more than one year since the blog are created and it was a fun thing blogging on what happen daily in my life...it was once a private blog whereby only my closes friend can enter and view what i wrote and i sometime added what my thought on certain activities...but as time gone by, the other side of me kept on telling me "what's the point of writing the long lengthy post whereby no one will read it??" hence it become a public blog soon after that~~still remember the time i spend on this blog, editing the layout, searching friends blog to add onto the link, putting up interesting link and even those advertisement link that i thought would make money...

well~~that's not actually the whole point of the post, what i'm so emotionally down was after reading someone blog (won't mention who though) it's hurts when i read her recent blog and i felt that i should give up and moved on with my own life but somewhere in my heart, i can't seem to do that...sometimes i'm too emoticon and did stuff that i regretted later and one of them are deleting everything about that "someone" (e.g : phone number, msn account, Facebook, etc~) well it happen a few times already in my life and most of them are due to frustration!! let's make this easier, i like this "someone" and she doesn't like me at all, in fact i think she felt annoyed whenever i sms her or message her on MSN..although she doesn't say anything but i can sense that through those replied sms or message..in fact it's only last week that i did all those thing (deleting everything) but before that both of us are already having some trouble communicating..seriously speaking, i even confessed twice or even more and was rejected badly but i still thought that if i were more patient enough to let her think through, things will get better...however i should have known better that those stuff only happen in fairy tales and it's a harsh world in reality..

to be honest, i remembered her birthday but i can't get myself to sms her (although part of my brain memory remember her number automatically) to wish her "Happy Birthday" cause i scared that it would ruin her whole birthday mood...i know it's a stupid thing to do and she will never ever appreciate it since she doesn't know about it but~~haihz!! forget it!! i only hope that she enjoy her birthday more without me been there to ruin the mood..i sometimes jealous of her friend cause they can talk and laugh without any wall barrier in between them and i know when i talk to her, there's one in front of me!! you know how tough was it to talk to someone that you know they don't like you and they just replied you just for the sake of not hurting you?? that's what happen when you confessed to a girl and they rejected you, it's hard to talk normally as she know i have a feeling toward her...however most of my friend who knew me might hear me said "I love someone" often but i don't really meant it cause i did that just because i wanted attention, even the Facebook status whereby i changed to in relationship~~you guys don't know how i enjoy myself watching those comment coming in one after the other...it's like taking drugs!! ok!! i'm not making any sense here and the more i type the more moody i get..better of stopping here and go do something else to divert my attention...but before going, i wanted to tell her that i'm sorry for doing those stuff and i really regretted it~~